Then Comes a Holiday

Life must go on
And the dead be forgotten;
Life must go on,
Though good men die;
Anne eat your breakfast;
Dan take your medicine;
Life must go on;
I just forget why.
                    - Edna St. Vincent Millay

Then comes a holiday and the whole world wants to lay aside all else and have joy and celebrations and gifts and lights and you want to scream, "Not Yet! Are you forgetting the loss of my lifetime? How can I be happy and celebrate, this is still too new!"

In the words of Doug Manning: It is all right not to enjoy Thanksgiving, or Christmas, or Hanukkah this year. There will be other years. The world will still stand if one season of holidays is missed. It's all right to be the Grinch that stole the holiday this year.

What about the children? There are always friends who want to help. Let them do the shopping. Next year you can make it up to the children, they will survive. Next year you can begin to understand the holidays from your new view point.

For more thoughts on Holiday survival see Thoughts for the Holidays: Finding Permission to Grieve by Doug Manning. In-Sight Books, 2001 http://www.insightbooks.com/

Family Memorial Mortuary - The only way to take grief out of death is to take love out of life.

When Families Grieve

I read an article today by Kristan Dean. She asked what I was doing to help children in my community who are grieving. She's right, there are so many children who are struggling with loss and heartache. It could be loss of a family member or friend, it could be loss of home because of family financial situations. Especially at the beginning of the holiday season, I think we should all be aware that the children in our life might need some extra attention. One way I can help is to make you aware of the services that are available for children.

Kristan's article shares a wonderful website from the creators of Sesame Street. "When Families Grieve" has two programs. The first helps military children "dealing with the worst-case senario: a parent who doesn't return at all. " The second, for "nonmilitary families who have experienced the death of a parent due to illness, suicide, accidents or other sudden or natural causes."  Please visit www.sesameworkshop.org/grief for more information and share the message of the Muppets with a child who needs it.

Death is a subject people do not want to talk about. According to Parker Palmer in Let Your Life Speak - "We live in a culture that just does not want to talk about dying. We need to remember, when you boil down all the great wisdom traditions, they say the same thing: BE NOT AFRAID! They don't say you can't have fear, because we all have fears. But they say you don't have to be your fears, and you don't have to create a world in which those fears dominate." 

Remember - The only way to take grief out of death, is to take love out of life. - Shelle